| wed lock |
[Jul. 15th, 2010|11:33 am] |
i'm the type that i think too much past 2 am.
i get the night shift with my daughter. mostly because i wanna. also because if i don't, cos would never sleep. she's like newton's law. no sleep, no eating. just the never ending rhythm of one task after another. so, she sleeps and i wake when fiona calls.
2 months now and we've got something going down. she's awake more in the day; 8 pm bed time; cradling my hand while being fed.
4:30 am and i'm looking at my daughter thinking about marriage. thinking about expectations and why people marry.
legally:
bind two people financially together. make life or death decisions for the other. tax breaks. trust funds. workman's comp.
religiously:
bind two people under god. sit together on a cloud after death. brownie points with heaven. to stay virtuous and pure and do one's god given right to multiply. those children having one less sin on their heads from birth 'cause they were created after wed lock. making them recognized to the church, therefore, to god. bastard children need not apply. above all to be morally righteous.
what if you'd had a child before wed lock? what if you've already decided you're committed with the one you're with? said it. felt it. did it. the two of you come together and live together "in sin." open a joint account. have each other on all insurances. pay the mortgage. pay the bills.
we already have a life together. already live like a joined couple. we're not religious people enough to fear for our immortal souls. if we feared for our souls we wouldn't have been screwing before marriage. wouldn't be living together before marriage. but we do. we have. we have a baby.
the "sacrament" of marriage kind of screwed over.
so what's the point? what's the need? what do you need to justify? who do you need to justify to?
supposedly marriage is a scared thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. 51% of people mustn't have gotten the memo.
weddings make me uncomfortable because it's an institution. cause it's window dressing for most to what should or is already there. i don't need to dress anything up. i don't feel the need to justify anything to anyone or anything.
my word, my will is solvent enough when i say i will grow old and die with the person i've decided to be with. if they decide to leave me, i'm a man enough to financially give without a court or legal marriage contract telling me to do so.
and i will defend my kids from whatever religious fucks say they're not worth anything because they're "bastards."
i don't need god, courts or anyone to tell me what i do or don't have. i don't need marriage to make me feel better or justify the actions and choices i've made in life.
i don't need one day to solidify my relationship with the one i love or my children. i'm there everyday. |
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[Jan. 1st, 2010|09:53 pm] |
been kind of busy in the personal sense. flying back from chicago after christmas. got dragged to a overtly who's-who new year's eve party by the socialite of a girlfriend. god damn red carpet and fucking pops. mostly got talked to at the party and enjoy the view while cos walked about doing what she does best. think she got someone important that she knows, yeah, i forget who he was, anyway, invited us to some yacht party, club, whatever, in the spring. cos is talking about wanting to go to france in the spring but don't think she has fully grasped yet that's not gonna be possible any time soon in her condition.
anyway. after we got back from the party, we found jay half outta of his fort in the den. mostly the couch cushions and blankets kind. he was half sprawled out with kodi on the armchair. the babysitter said he smoothed talked his way into staying up for the ball drop and didn't even make it. was cute.
don't got much else to say. it's gettin late and cos' got a doc appointment tomorrow that i gotta go with. |
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